damn you cable

HDTPCubePaying money to watch television is something that I may still need some help in getting over. When NBC made its signal change eons ago I finally broke down and got ‘basic’ cable to get channels clearly. And when I say basic I don’t mean not premium, I mean cable to get regular networks clearly, something that a city dweller should not feel compelled to do. So when along with my basic cable I received one or two additional channels like VS. (formerly OLN) offering me access to things like the Tour de Lance France I felt giddy.

And then at some point I had a cable problem and my wonderful cable guy didn’t put the blocker back on. A whole new world opened up to me. The world that was normally reserved for visiting my parent’s house and watching cable (minus HBO). I was slowly sucked into show after show, The Closer, Breaking Bad, even Rock of Love… It was a world I always said wasn’t worth the cost but I was getting it for FREE. And even when cable problems arose at a later time I decided to wait it out in fear of inviting the cable guy back over and having him put the dreaded blocker back on.

And then one day, no call to the cable guy, I woke to find that I could no longer get Gillmore Girls reruns on ABC Family. I could no longer get Project Runway on Lifetime. I could no longer get the final season of Monk on USA. What is a person to do? Well, I could pay for more cable, $29.99 a month seems reasonable and when that expires after 12 months I could probably negotiate down from the standing $59.99, which is an amount that seem ridiculous. And then there’s always the reported triple play deal of packaging cable, internet, and phone. Or I could try to take better advantage of the posting of shows online (it’ll get me through at least some current missing episodes) and of course I can wait for the shows that I might really care about to release on dvd.

So what to do? At least for now I’ll leave it on my list of things to do, along with upgrading my tivo.

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next week 12/29

New and notable in the week ahead…

Monday

  • Greatest Holiday Moments (NBC, 8pm) – Think funniest home videos holiday style. 
  • Bromance/The City (MTV, 9/10pm) Series Premiere(s)– A couple kids from The Hills spin off their own gigs, first Brody Jenner looks for a new beaux Paris Hilton style and then Whitney Port leaves the west coast to make it in the big apple.

Tuesday

  • Burn Notice (USA, 6am-4pm) – This fun campy no-longer-a-spy spy show set in Miami gives a little marathon to catch you up.
  • Kennedy Center Honors (CBS, 9pm) – Caroline Kennedy host the honoring of Morgan Freeman, George Jones, Barbra Streisand, Twyla Tharp, Pete Townshend and Roger Daltry.

Wednesday

  • Dick Clark’s Primetime New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest (ABC, 10pm) Ryan and Dick bring along Fergie and Kellie Pickler to help correspond with all the activity.
  • New Year’s Eve with Carson Daly (NBC, 10pm) – Will this be more or less rockin’ than Dick and Ryan’s?
  • New Year’s Eve Live (Fox, 11pm) – Spike Feresten and Mark Thompson don’t even get their names in the title.

Thursday

  • Tournament of Roses Parade – Check your local listings for the various showings of this flower filled parade.

Friday

  • If you’re desperate Lipstick Jungle is new, I’m not that desperate…

Saturday

  • Game Show in My Head (CBS, 8/8:30pm) Series Premiere – Folks are foolish in public by following instructions via earpiece.

Sunday

  • Rock of Love Charm School (VH1, 7pm) – It’s the reunion show which might be good for some hair pulling.
  • Confessions of a Teen Idol (VH1, 8pm) Series Premiere – 80s and 90s teen idols give us a little insight, or something.
  • Rock of Love (VH1, 9pm) Season Premiere – Still no love for Bret, so this season the ladies are going on tour with him… will he find ‘the one’, or are we just casting for another Charm School?
  • Superstars of Dance (NBC, 9pm) Series Premiere – Folks from all over the world compete.
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next week 10/6

New and notable in the week ahead… procrastinator picks are underlined

Monday

  • Bingo America (GSN, 6:30pm) Season Premiere – I don’t actually get the Game Show Network but if I did I don’t know that I would have thought bingo was a gameshow, but why wouldn’t it be.

Tuesday

  • Presidential Debate (Various Channels, 6pm est/9pm est) – Tom Brokaw hosts the second.
  • Dirty Jobs (Disc, 9pm) Season Premiere – This season starts with taking on some of the tasks of a merchant boat.
  • Real Housewives of Atlanta (Brav, 9pm) Series Premiere – If you’re familiar with these shows, I think that’s all you need to know.

Wednesday

  • South Park/Sarah Silverman (Com, 10/10:30pm) Season Premiere – A couple groups of potty mouths.
  • TV Land Myths and Legends (TVL, 10pm) Season Premiere – The stories behind the stories.

Thursday

  • Kath & Kim (NBC, 8:30pm) Series Premiere – Selma Blair and Molly Shannon play a dysfunctional mother and daughter.
  • CSI (CBS, 9pm) Season Premiere – Looks like they’re recovering from Warrick getting shot, and I think Grissom only has a few episodes and then we turn it over to Laurence Fishburne.
  • SNL Weekend Update Thursday (NBC, 9:30pm) – I think this will make Saturday night less funny.
  • Eleventh Hour (CBS, 10pm) Series Premiere – Science crimes may be no match for Rufus Sewell.
  • LA Ink (TLC, 10pm) Season Premiere – Inking in LA.
  • Life on Mars (ABC, 10pm) Series Premiere – Remake of British fan favorite where a cop ends up in the 70s solving crimes the old fashioned way.
  • Testees (FX, 10:30pm) Series Premiere – This new comedy has two guys who test products and wait for the side effects.

Friday

  • The Starter Wife (USA, 9pm) Season Premiere – Debra Messing returns as former Hollywood wife starting yet again.

Saturday

  • Macy’s Celebrity Catwalk Challenge (NBC, 8pm) – I don’t know that this will compare to ANTM.
  • The Graham Norton Show (BBCA, 10pm) Season Premiere – Graham hosts and talks I believe.

Sunday

  • Rock of Love Charm School (VH1, 9pm) Season Premiere – This premise is hilarious, Sharon Osborne tries to turn RoL contestants into ladies.
  • The Pick-Up Artist (VH1, 10pm) Season Premiere – Those less able to get the ladies learn tips that are one of the following a) helpful b) hilarious or c) offensive.
  • Skins (BBCA, 10pm) Season Premiere – These British teens supposedly make Gossip Girl look tame.
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reality detox

crehab.jpgI made a decree a few years ago that I wasn’t adding any more reality television, I just watch too much television and I can be easily sucked into nearly anything. I also decided that I’d be dropping a few of the regulars, ANTM obviously made the cut, Survivor and American Idol did not (I did tune back into AI this last season but that’s it, I’m pretty sure). I watched my first full episode of the Bachelorette just to be able to contribute to the conversation of what kind of guy I thought was cute (of that lot, Graham, but not just because he’s super hot).

I tried not to sample too much of the new options that they trotted out over the years though I was a big fan of Rock Star: INXS/Supernova. Last year when I expanded my television from network to basic cable my channel surfing led me to review a show or two more. After some sampling, Project Runway is a keeper, I love the personalities but it’s the clothes each week that kept me coming back. Rock of Love stayed on the tivo for the first season but I couldn’t stay on the train wreck through season two.

Last season I was so indignant about the new show Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew that I almost didn’t watch the first episode. Now I knew Dr Drew was a real Dr, I had listened to Loveline on KROQ back when it started and was Dr Drew and the Poorman, but I didn’t realize he was an addiction specialist. I still had my doubts as I thought reality had sunk to a new low. But you can tell where this is heading, I was addicted.

Sure there was a train wreck aspect to things, but I was again surprised at how I came to be interested in the lives of people who I really couldn’t care less about. When Jeff Conaway left we all thought he was going to die when he checked out, and were frustrated that Chyna was having trouble even identifying/admitting what her problem was, and we all hoped that they would make it. Dr Drew and the staff really appeared to want to help these people and seeing them struggle with the filmed/celebrity aspect of the show was a challenge that I wonder how it will change in the next season.

And you can tell where this is leading, there is a next season. Casting is confirmed as: Jeff Conaway (back after back surgeries to give it another go), Sean Stewart (reality specialist and son of Rod/Sons of Hollywood), Amber Smith (model/actress?), Rodney King (from back when reality made people famous), Nikki McKibbon (this year’s American Idol), Steven Adler (this year’s rocker from Guns n Roses) and Tawny Kitaen (Actress?). And we also have Gary Busey (this year’s Baldwin sharing his path to sobriety – 13 years sober from his cocaine addiction?).

I assume this means they’ll be checking in now, but we won’t see shows until around October. Does that mean to fill this summer I should watch more Denise Richards or Living Lohan? The answer to that is no.

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next week 4/14

Monday

  • Bones (Fox, 8pm) – Post strike return for our favorite squints and fbi agents, this week Bones and Booth go on a double date with Dr Sweets!
  • The Paper (MTV, 10:30) Series Premiere – I almost always ignore MTV reality but this show about a high school paper got at least one good review.
  • New Amsterdam (Fox, 9pm) Season Finale – If there’s only one more left maybe I’ll watch this guy and his past.
  • One Tree Hill (CW, 9pm) – Post strike return as the gang deals with some drama undoubtedly.
  • Rules of Engagement (CBS, 9:30pm) – Post strike premiere as the gang vacations at a time share.

Tuesday

  • According to Jim (ABC, 8/8:30pm) – Post strike return as Jim probably does something dumb.
  • Biggest Loser (NBC, 8pm) Season Finale – The losers have lost, and one has lost the most.
  • L&O: SVU (NBC, 10pm) – Post strike return as Olivia goes under cover.

Wednesday

  • Democratic Debate (ABC, 8pm/pst) – Gearing up for the Penn primary on the 22nd.
  • Til Death/Back to You (Fox, 8/8:30pm) – Post strike premiere for these ‘laughers’.
  • The Real World: Hollywood (MTV, 10pm) – If you can believe it this is the 20th season, I think I only caught NY and then what LA?

Thursday

  • Smallville (CW, 8pm) – Post strike premiere as Lex and Clark are at odds.
  • Eli Stone (ABC, 10pm) Season Finale – Will Eli live? I would assume they didn’t kill him off, but then again I don’t know for sure.

Friday

  • Doctor Who (Sci Fi, 8:30pm) Season Premiere – I wanna say there’s time travel involved.
  • Canterbury’s Law (Fox, 9pm) Season Finale – Does she defend the right people?

Saturday

  • Torchwood (BBC, 9pm) Season Finale – Crime fighters and aliens and whatnot.

Sunday

  • John Adams (HBO, 9pm) Series Finale – And Paul Giamatti moves on…
  • Brothers and Sisters (ABC, 10pm) – Post strike return as the Walkers keep up with making a mess of perfectly good messy relationships.
  • Sweet Nothing in My Ear (CBS, 9pm) – It’s a Hallmark Hall of Fame with Marly and Jeff Daniels dealing with their child’s ability to hear.
  • Rock of Love (VH1, 9pm) – It’s the reunion show!
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reality round up

So since I was talking reality television I felt like I wanted to rate the shows, but I have to admit if I’ve watched even one of these shows I don’t do it regularly (those I watch noted in bold)… so I’m doing it anyway but I’m not really standing behind these somewhat arbitrary grades.

  • Amazing Race (A) – See pairs of people interact and travel the world, and it is a race so winners win.
  • Survivor (A) – Groups of people living in some tough isolated conditions around the world, good mix of the strategic alliances and the wild card of the varied skill challenges. They vote each other off and try not to alienate folks too much since they pick their own winner.
  • Project Runway (A-) – (Bravo) Seeing these wannabe fashion makers trying to rise to the challenges at break neck speed, without breaking anyone else’s neck, is compelling and with Tim Gunn’s encouragement to ‘make it work’ I may not like all the results but they’re worth seeing. Heidi leads the panel of judge’s decisions.
  • ANTM (B+) – If you’ve read these at all you know I’m a fan of the crazies and their model skills, a good photo means a lot but in person presence, acting, walking and various other things keep it interesting. Tyra leads the panel of judges decisions.
  • Rock Star: INXS/Supernova/? (B+) – I had heard at one point that this was renewed with unknown talent. This show takes AI to the next level with actual songs and singers you might like, mixed with the combination of America and wild card band votes and a little behind the scenes action. I miss Marty Casey.
  • Biggest Loser (B) – Tough love as folks really change their lives, and even those voted off and working from home try to lose to win.
  • Dancing with the Stars (B) – A unique mix of ‘stars’ and their professional dancing partners compete. A mix of judge and America’s votes keeps narrowing down ‘til we find the winner.
  • American Idol (B) – If you don’t know about this show you’ve been living under a rock, it still maintains a rabid following season after season. Our panel narrows it down to finalists then it’s all about America’s pick.
  • Rock of Love (B/D) – (VH1) Ok this is so bad it’s good, I live in disdain of the Bachelor but make it a house full of skanks, psychos and strippers and I couldn’t look away. Brett Michaels adds a nice touch as a crazy rockstar who is surprisingly in touch with his feminine side.
  • Beauty and the Geek (B-) – The dumb beauties and the socially stunted smarties team up to overcome their limitations and on their way learn a little. Competitions rule.
  • Bachelor (B-) – As noted I can’t take this whole good-looking vapid women compete to fall in love with what is typically a good-looking but not super interesting guy. I would give this a worse grade but after getting addicted to Rock of Love I had to reconsider.
  • Extreme Makeover Home Edition (C+) – Total home remodel with varied themes and goals and always a touching story.
  • The Apprentice (C) – If it weren’t for annoying Donald Trump the competitions to determine business savvy are pretty interesting.
  • Kid Nation (C) – Kids in the wild west making it on their own. Rewards are given and competitions determine perks and duties, and they can opt out at any time.
  • Next Great American Band (C-) – I think I am the only person watching this band competition, I am amazed that there aren’t more talented groups included but I like the mix of originals and covers and like The Clark Brothers and Franklin Bridge (and Six Wire), not that I would buy any of their albums.
  • America’s Got Talent (D) – I don’t know that America does, but if you’re looking for random acts, this is where you find ’em.
  • Kitchen Nightmares (F) – Watching some mean chef yell at people just doesn’t do it.
  • Big Brother (F) – So they put a bunch of people in a house, and show it for like three nights a week, I don’t understand how this can be on like season 8.
  • Phenomenon (F) – Again, magicians…
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summer cable treats

I did mention that I don’t have real cable, but I have had the opportunity to get addicted to just a few cable shows at someone else’s house. A dangerous precedent but sometimes you just have to live dangerously.

  • Flight of the Conchords – (HBO) So there’s these two New Zealand guys who are in a band that does these pretty hilarious ‘folk-parody’ songs. I don’t know what these guys are really like but the characters and situations that they’ve created for this half hour show about their band (Flight of the Conchords) trying to make it in NY, that almost feels like an extended music video, is totally random and just makes me laugh. (Season finale week of Sept 2)
  • Saving Grace – (TNT) Set in Oklahoma City, Holly Hunter plays this total wreck of a person, Grace, who seems to mismanage her relationships, family, and of course police career all while being visited by an angel Earl who is apparently trying to save her, which of course she’ll have none of, but she does have her forensic friend analyzing some of the objects she gathers. (Season finale week of Sept 16)
  • Rock of Love With Bret Michaels – (VH1) I have so much disdain for those dating shows like the Bachelor, but watching the lead singer of Poison try to pick a gal is like an accident you just can’t look away from. The women basically seem crazy and slutty as they try to win dates with Brett in ridiculous challenges and of course live in a house together and get all catty. It’s like a really well done satire of one of these shows. (Week of 9/9 we’re down to four, not sure if there’s more…)
  • Scott Baio is 45 — and Single – (VH1) Ok this show wasn’t even any good but somehow I watched it all. Scott Baio works with a lifecoach and hangs with friends as he confronts his history of womanizing to see if he can, or wants to, settle down with current girlfriend, and of course former playmate. There’s a little voyeuristic fun but the format and Scott VO make it a little too packaged. (Finale aired but still rerunning)

And for the record I tried but couldn’t keep up with:

  • John From Cincinnati – (HBO) I really tried to give this show a shot, I like surfing and the cast and creators were reputable, but the oddly stilted characters and supernatural happenings never quite clicked. So season one finished up and didn’t get renewed.
  • Burn Notice – (USA) Ok so I only watched one of these but though it had the ingredients for being a fun spy action show it didn’t quite work and I almost didn’t finish the first episode. I’ve read some good reviews so maybe it hit its stride later.
  • Damages – (FX) I made it through two of these… Glenn Close and Ted Danson are both almost interestingly despicable as we watch a new associate get dragged into more than she bargained for personally and professionally at her new law firm, but I just couldn’t quite stomach the over the top plotting.
  • Greek – (ABC Family) Sometimes a relatively tame and pretty mindless stereotypical show about kids in college, in the greek system, is all that you’re looking for, but maybe ABC Family isn’t my channel.
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