‘Never slap a man while he’s chewing tobacco’
– Frank Underwood on ‘House of Cards’
‘Lemon Breeland, you are certifiably insane. You need a twelve step program for shenanigans addicts… but I appreciate the thought, all right?.’
– Wade to Lemon on ‘Hart of Dixie’
‘they can’t just cancel a show like Alphas; Firefly did a movie to wrap things up, Buffy the Vampire Slayer continued on as a comic book, Heroes gradually lowered the quality season by season until we were glad it ended.’
– Sheldon on ‘The Big Bang Theory’
‘Poor baby can’t hack it in the big city, gonna move to the bay area now and pretend that was your dream the whole time. Have fun always carrying a light sweater.’
– Jenna to Hazel on ’30 Rock’
‘I don’t like that guy and I want it on the record.’
‘We’ve been over this, there is no actual record.’
‘Then why are we doing any of this.’
– Max and Dave on ‘Happy Endings’
‘I’m tired of being crushed under the weight of greedy men who believe in nothing.’
– Jax on ‘Sons of Anarchy’
‘you’re like the hillbilly whisperer.’
– Deputy Chief Mullen to Raylan on ‘Justified’
‘it’s really hard to chug pinot.’
– Andy on ‘Cougar Town’
‘see you in another life brother.’
– Desmond on ‘Lost’
‘probably subscribes to the New Yorker but doesn’t even read it’.
– Castle deriding a criminal on ‘Castle’
‘maybe you should try a new setting on your Flobe.’
– Will to Sue on ‘Glee’
‘Veridian Dynamics. Friendship. It’s the same as stealing.’
– Better Off Ted
‘just once I would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?’
– Dwight on ‘The Office’
‘i found the grinch to be a relatable, engaging character and i was really with him right up to the 
point that he succumbed to social convention and returned the presents and saved christmas’.
– Sheldon on ‘The Big Bang Theory’
‘pete and i are intercourseing each other’.
– Liz on ’30 Rock’
‘if we all stopped lying to each other how would we ever get to the truth.’
– Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson on ‘The Closer’
‘everyone has their first date. and the object is to hide your flaws. and then you’re in a relationship, and it’s all about hiding your disappointment. and then once you’re married it’s about hiding your sins’
– Adelle DeWitt on ‘Dollhouse’
‘it’s fine being artistic, just not on this show.’
– Simon on ‘American Idol’
‘you know, maybe if you ate more comfort food you wouldn’t have to go around shooting people.’
– Hurley to Sayid on ‘Lost’
‘fire or knife?’
– Clay asking preferred method of tattoo removal on ‘The Sons of Anarchy’
‘i’m sorry, he irks me. he’s irksome.’
– Patrick Jane on ‘The Mentalist’
‘the only thing better than a cow is a human, unless you need milk, then you really need a cow.’
– John on ‘Fringe’
‘i have my not so sweet sixteen party this friday, i’m stressed to the max, and he’s being a big bitch’
– Naomi on ‘90210’
‘there must be enough peruvian flying pike here to trigger zombie armageddon.’
– the Middleman on ‘The Middleman’
‘who’s up for a harvey wallbanger?’
‘sounds like a winner.’
‘gimlet for me.’
‘i’ll just have a chablis.’
– 70’s drink orders on ‘Swingtown’
‘self pity isn’t like you.’
‘i’m branching out from self loathing and self destruction.’
– Amber and House on ‘House’
‘you’re like the first juicy booty to make it on to the runway.’
– makeup artist to Whitney on ‘ANTM’
‘no changies, no take backs.’
– Agent Booth and Bones on ‘Bones’
‘i ignore you at my own peril when it comes to women, liquor, and venereal disease.’
– Alan to Charlie on ‘Two and a Half Men’
‘you’ll never guess what happened.’
‘i don’t guess. as a scientist, i reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation…’
– Penny and Sheldon on ‘Big Bang Theory’
‘i don’t know man, that was pretty boring.’
– Randy’s critique on ‘American Idol’
‘you’re more lost than you ever were.’
– Ben to Locke on ‘Lost’
‘the way you look today is the best you’re going to look for the rest of your life.’
– Matthew to Christine on ‘Christine’
‘i’m a sweet girl, i’m a caring girl, and apparently i’m also a black out drunk girl…and if that’s not what he’s looking for…’
-eliminated Courtney on ‘Rock of Love 2’
‘game’s not over until i say it’s over.’
‘then have fun playing with yourself.’
-Chuck and Blair on ‘Gossip Girl’
‘i know that grunt, it’s #7, skeptical with a side of cynicism.’
-Chuck to Casey on ‘Chuck’
‘i didn’t raise you to use amnesia as an excuse.’
‘that would have taken enormous foresight.’
-amnesiac Sam and her Mom on ‘Samantha Who?’
‘life is too short to wear a bad outfit.
-Kit Pistol on ‘Project Runway’
‘i appreciate your help but there’s a reason your name is robin and not batman’
-Ted, to Robin, on ‘How I Met Your Mother’
‘being aware of your crap and actually overcoming your crap are two very different things.’
-Christine on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’
‘where do you invest your money?’
‘i have like twelve grand in checking’
‘what are you, an immigrant?’
-Jack and Liz on ’30 Rock’
‘you need to access your uncrazy side,’
-Daryl tells Kelly after saying he likes her but before walking away on ‘The Office’
‘beta males are in right now. chicks dig it.’
-Sock to Sam on ‘Reaper’