Monday

• Oprah’s Lifeclass (OWN, 8pm) Season Premiere – Iyanla joins Oprah for some chats.
• Secret Life of the American Teenager/Make it or Break it (ABCFam, 8/9pm) Season Premiere – More teen drama.
• Brooklyn 11223 (Oxy, 11pm) Series Debut – Join some 20 somethings for a little Brooklyn reality.

Tuesday

• Caught in the Act (Nat Geo, 8pm) Series Premiere – Animal voyeurism.
• Best Ink (Oxy, 10pm) Series Debut – Tattoo competitions, but who are the volunteer recipients?
• 16 and Pregnant (MTV, 10pm) Season Premiere – Pregnant cheerleader.

Wednesday

• Auction Hunters (Spike, 9pm) Season Premiere – Getting stuff.
• Whitechapel (BBCA, 10pm) Season Premiere – Murder in the workshop, BBC has been making me want to check out their series.

Thursday

• The Decrypters (NGC, 8pm) Series Premiere – Forensic scientists investigate.
• Mary Mary (WE, 10pm) Series Premiere – Following real life gospel duo.
• Punk’d/Pauly D Project (MTV, 10/10:30pm) Season Premiere – Can’t make me watch prank shows or Jersey Shore’s Pauly D.
• My Mom is Obsessed (Disc, 10pm) Series Premiere – Plastic surgery much?

Friday

• True Justice (Reelz, 9pm) Series Premiere – Steven Seagal goes undercover in Seattle, his character of course.
• Magic City (Starz, 11pm) Series Premiere – Drama in a Miami Beach luxury hotel in the 50s.

Saturday

• Sony Ericsson Open (CBS, 9:30am/Sun 10am) – Men’s and women’s final, tennis.
• Beverly’s Full House (OWN, 7pm) Series Premiere – Beverly Sims opens her house to family.
• Escape Routes (NBC, 8pm) Series Premiere – Another road trip challenge show.
• Kid’s Choice Awards (Nick, 8pm) – Will Smith hosts.
• Wild Scene Investigation (Nat Geo, 10pm) Series Premiere – Aren’t there animal culprits?
• Southern Nights (CMT, 10:30pm) Series Premiere – Cast members from “Sweet Home Alabama” (which was maybe a dating series?) live together in a house.

Sunday

• Annual Academy of Country Music Awards (CBS, 8pm) – Blake and Reba host.
• Great Expectations (PBS, 8pm) Miniseries Premiere – A look at Pip.
• The Killing (AMC, 8pm) Season Premiere – Who killed Rosie Larsen, and will I regret another season?
• Game of Thrones (HBO, 9pm) Season Premiere – I don’t actually know what this show is about but people like it.
• Snapped (Oxy, 9pm) Season Premiere – A look at some crimes.
• I Survived… Beyond and Back (Bio, 10pm) Season Premiere – These people actually flat lined.
• Wicked Tuna (NatGeo, 10pm) Series Debut – Tuna crews.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• The Bachelor (ABC, 10pm) – After the final rose.
• Navajo Cops (NGC, 10pm) Series Premiere – Cops Indian reserve style.

Tuesday

• Fashion Star (NBC, 9:30pm) Series Premiere – Jessica Simpson, John Varvatos, and Nicole Richie mentor the latest fashion designers, the new feature is you can buy the winning clothes.

Wednesday

• South Park/Ugly Americans (Com, 10/10:30pm) Season Premieres – Animation amusement.
• Monster Man (Syfy, 11pm) Series Premiere – Creating monsters is the family business.

Thursday

• Community (NBC, 8pm) Season Premiere – Ok so it’s sort of a midseason return but I am happy to have it back.
• Missing (ABC, 8pm) Series Premiere – Ashley Judd isn’t a CIA agent, she’s just a mom looking for her son! I’ve seen this preview a bunch and will tune in but have low hopes.
• Behind the Music (VH1, 9pm) Season Premiere – But wait there are more stories to tell.
• The First 48: Missing Persons (A&E, 10pm) Season Premiere – People are missing.
• Sweet Genius (Food, 10pm) Season Premiere – Chocolaty treats.

Friday

• Fairly Legal/In Plain Sight  (USA, 9/10pm) Season Premieres – A couple of feisty gals return.
• Four Weddings (TLC, 10pm) Season Premiere – And a hookah lounge.

Saturday

• Tennis (ABC, Sat/Sun, 11am, ESPN2 earlier in the week) – ATP tennis from Indian Wells, Ca.

Sunday

• Frozen Planet/Unchained Reaction (Disc, 8/10pm) Series Premieres – Artics and creating chain reaction contraptions.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• The Bad Girls Club (Oxy, 10pm) Season Premiere – I’m not totally clear on whether this premise entails trying to make the girls less bad or not.
• Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern (Trav, 10pm) Season Premiere – Starting out with a trip to the Twin Cities.
• Cake Boss (TLC, 10pm) Season Premiere – Cakes and the boss.

Tuesday

• State of the Union (Various, 9pm) – What’s up USA?
• All Star Dealers (Disc, 8pm) Series Premiere – Not just stuff, famous person’s stuff.
• My First Place (HGTV, 8pm) Season Premiere – House hunting.
• Joan & Melissa (WE, 9pm) Season Premiere – More plastic surgery?

Wednesday

• Dark Minds (ID, 7pm) Series Premiere – An author, a profiler, and a killer reexamine crimes.
  
• Touch (Fox, 9pm) Series Premiere – Keifer is back, this time can his son predict the future?
• The Challenge (MTV, 10pm) Season Premiere – Real World and Road Rules peeps are back at it.

Thursday

• Winter X Games (ESPN, 6pm, and ESPN2/ABC various times) – Wintertime in Aspen, Colorado.
• Fat Chef (Food, 10pm) Series Premiere – A look at folks in the food industry trying to work on their weight.
• Russell Simmons Presents (Com, 10pm) Season Premiere – Standup and be funny.
• Inside Comedy (Show, 11pm) Series Premiere – A chat with comedians.

Friday

• Chuck (NBC, 8/9pm) Series Finale – Sad to see Chuck’s final mission.
• Spartacus (Starz, 10pm) Season Premiere – Fighting harder than ever.

Saturday

• Australian Open (ESPN2, 12am, Sun 12am) – The women’s and men’s finals cap off a week of coverage.
• UFC (Fox, 8pm) – Evans vs. Davis.

Sunday

• Luck (HBO, 9pm) Series Premiere – Horse racing and Dustin Hoffman, I’m intrigued.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• Australian Open (ESPN2, ongoing/various) – The play continues.
• The Revolution (ABC, 2pm) Series Premiere – Lifestyle experts transform.
• Alcatraz (Fox, 8pm) Series Premiere – Always willing to give JJ Abrams shows a shot, a mix of cops and supernatural, and a reason to see Hurley again on another island.
• Betty White’s 90th Birthday/Betty White’s Off Their Rockers (NBC, 8/9:30pm) Series Premiere – Everybody toasts Betty and then seniors play pranks what could be more hilarious.
• Being Human/Lost Girl (Syfy, 9/10pm) Season/Series Premiere – More irregular folks and the new/lost girl is a succubus.

Tuesday

• Remodeled (CW, 9pm) Series Premiere – More businesses get makeovers, this time modeling agencies.
• Ink Master (Spike, 10pm) Series Premiere – Nobody wants to be tattooed by the losers in this competition.
• Justified (Fx, 10pm) Season Premiere – Raylan I missed you.
• Ragin’ Cajuns (Disc, 10pm) Series Premiere – Shrimp fishing, or should i say fishin’.
• Southland (TNT, 10pm) Season Premiere – This cop show tends to not disappoint and this seasn’s guests include Lucy Liu.
• White Collar (USA, 10pm) Season Premiere – Who will betray who?

Wednesday

• American Idol (Fox, 8pm, and Thurs/Sun) Season Premiere – I keep saying I’m out, but depending on scheduling…
• Mistresses (BBCA, 10pm) Season Premiere – Relationship problems?
• Royal Pains (USA, 10pm) Season Premiere – More doctoring.

Thursday

• Archer/Unsupervised (Fx, 10pm) Season/Series Premiere – The return of the animated government agency followed by high school misfits.

Friday

• Shark Tank (ABC, 8pm) Season Premiere – Get your inventions ready.
• On Freddie Roach (HBO, 9:30pm) Series Premiere – A look at boxing trainer and Parkinson patient.
• Swanderosa (CMT, 10pm) Series Premiere – The Swan family hosts events on their Texas estate.

Saturday

• Drew Peterson: Untouchable (Life, 8pm) – I’m only including this because people are talking about how awesomely gross Rob Lowe is in it.
• Bayou Billionaires/My Redneck Vacation (CMT, 9/9:30pm) Series Premieres – More people out of their elements, with new money or new vacay locals.
• Idiot Abroad (Sci, 10pm) Season Premiere – More torturing of Karl.
• Scorned (ID, 10pm) Series Premiere – Investigating crimes where love has gone awry.

Sunday

• Prime Suspect (NBC, 9pm) – In case you were following the changing time slots on the remaining eps.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• Tennis (CBS, 1pm) – The rain delay is scheduled to kick men’s finals ’til Monday.
• Monday Night Football (ESPN, 7pm) Season Premiere – Patriots at Dolphins.
• Kate Plus 8 (TLC, 9pm) Series Finale – Please tell me I won’t have to hear anything else about her.
• The Best Thing I Ever Ate (Food, 10pm) Season Premiere – All-American tastings.
• Extreme Couponing (TLC, 10pm) Season Premiere – How much money can they save?
• Showhouse Showdown (HGTV, 10pm) Series Premiere – Which of the identical rooms has the best design?

Tuesday

• Rise Up (ESPN, 7pm) Series Premiere – Communities come together to rebuild community sports facilities.
• 90210/Ringer (CW, 8/9pm – Ringer replays 9/16 8pm, 9/19 9pm) Season/Series Premiere – Never got on board with new 90210 but might get on board with the new Sarah Michelle Geller as twin playing a twin with perhaps some twists and drama.
• Parenthood (NBC, 10pm) Season Premiere – I need to remind myself what kind of trouble they were into last season.
• I Hate My Bath (DIY, 10:30pm) Series Premiere – I assume this is like I Hate My Kitchen…

Wednesday

• Survivor (CBS, 8pm) Season Premiere – Welcome to Samoa.
• H8R/ANTM (CW, 8/9pm) Series/Season Premiere – So passing on confronting folks who hate celebrities but can’t resist at least the first all stars models edition.
• Operation Repo/Hulk Hogan’s MCW (Tru, 9/10:00pm) Season/Series Premieres – Repossessions and  then Micro Championship Wrestling
• Up All Night/Free Agents (NBC, 10/10:30pm – replays 9/15 8:30/9:30pm, 9/17 9/9:30pm) Series Premieres – The first could be funny while the second is supposed to stink.

Thursday

• The Vampire Diaries/The Secret Circle (CW, 9/10pm – SS replays 9/16 9pm) Season/Series Premiere – Vampires and then witches, which I will check out, might be dumb but it’s got that cute girl from Life Unexpected.
• Angels Among Us (CMT, 9pm) Series Premiere – Real life divine intervention?
• It’s Always Sunny/Archer (Fx, 10/10:30pm) Season Premieres – All kinds of wrong funny, and then perhaps I’ll check out at least one ep of the animated series.
• LA Ink (TLC, 10pm) Series Finale – Another reality person I’d be ok with not hearing any more about.

Friday

• NCLR Alma Awards (NBC, 8pm) – Eva Longoria and George Lopez host.
• 20/20 (ABC, 10pm) Season Premiere – Newsy.
• Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10pm) Season Premiere – No HBO for me.

Saturday

• Confronting (OWN, 10pm) Series Premiere – I’m sure it’s all emotional and stuff to confront people.

Sunday

• Emmys (Fox, 8pm) – Jane Lynch hosts.
• Shake it Up (Dis, 8pm) Season Premiere – Characters on a scripted show audition for a reality show?

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Brav, 9pm) Season Premiere – Honestly tragic this season as they deal with, and probably don’t deal with, the suicide an estranged husband.
• Interiors, Inc. (HGTV, 10pm) Series Premiere – Nashville designers for some strange reason start with Idol contestant Danny Gokey’s breakfast nook.
• Swamp Loggers (Disc, 10pm) Season Premiere – Feuds and pig roastin’.

Tuesday

• For Rent (HGTV, 8:30pm) Season Premiere – Ready to move out of the dorm room?
• Frontier Force (NGC, 10pm) Series Premiere – Cops, Montana deputy style.
• The Rachel Zoe Project (Brav, 10pm) Season Premiere – More clothes, personalities, and catch phrases… this pick up mid pregnancy.
• Sons of Anarchy (FX, 10pm) Season Premiere – Oh yeah, apparently this is a return to its roots season.

Wednesday

• Animal Cops/Saved (AnPl, 8pm) Season/Series Premiere – Cops, SPCA style then pets offer comfort.
• Inside the NFL (Show, 9pm) Season Premiere – Kick it off.
• Rescue Me (FX, 10pm) Series Finale – Time to move on.
• Paranormal Witness (Syfy, 10pm) Series Premiere – Personal encounters with the paranormal.

Thursday

• CBS Fall Preview (CBS, 8:30pm) – Big Bang Theory cast takes us through the new offerings.
• Sunday Night Football (NBC, 8:30pm) Season Premiere – Are you ready for some football?

Friday

• US Open (Various) – The CBS coverage takes over from ESPN2 today with Women’s semis and moving into the weekend of finals.
• Unleashed by Garo (Sund, 9pm) Series Premiere – This fashion designer does some styly makeovers.

Saturday

• Dew Tour (NBC, 1/1:30, sat/sun) – First the countdown and then the Toyota Challenge Salt Lake City event starting at 1:30.
• Cops (Fox, 8pm) Season Premiere – Can’t go wrong with the original.
• Bad Dog (AnPl, 10pm) Series Premiere – What will these dogs get into?
• Dina’s Party (HGTV, 10pm) Series Premiere – New Jersey Housewife throws some extravagant parties.

Sunday

• Entourage (HBO, 10:30pm) Series Finale – Did I hear someone already talking about an Entourage movie?

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• Basketball Wives LA (VH1, 8pm) Series Premiere – Because we need another show about wives.
• Crave (Food, 8:30pm) Series Premiere – Starting with a look for the ultimate slice.
• American Chopper/Carfellas (Disc, 9/10pm) Season/Series Premieres – Bikes, cars…
• Design on a Dime (HGTV, 10pm) Season Premiere – Consider a bold palette.
• Ridiculousness/Death Valley/Cuff’d (MTV, 10/10:30/11pm) Series Premieres – Internet videos, LAPD’s Undead Task Force, and teen arrests.

Tuesday

• Big Sexy (TLC, 10pm) Series Premiere – A reality show about some gals who show how awesome it is to be plus sized.
• Chopped (Food, 10pm) Season Premiere – Past winners return to compete.
• Quirky (Sund, 10pm) Series Premiere – I think this is like one of those other shows where people invent things.

Wednesday

• Dark Matters (Sci, 10pm) Series Premiere – Unusual science research?

Thursday

• I’m Pregnant and… (Health, 10pm) Season Premiere – The ‘…and’ refers to some irregular scenario like my husband wants to become a woman.

Friday

• Man, Woman, Wild (Disc, 9pm) Season Premiere – Lost at sea…

Saturday

• US Open Tennis (Various) – The CBS coverage picks up today with 3rd round, and ESPN2 has the earlier and other ongoing coverage.
  
• I Faked My Own Death (Disc, 10pm) Series Premiere – I guess enough people have done it enough for a series.

Sunday

• Masterpiece: Inspector Lewis (PBS, 9pm) – More inspecting…
• All American Handyman (HGTV, 9pm) Season Premiere – I can only assume this man is handy.
• Border Wars (NGC, 9pm) Season Premiere – What do they confiscate…
• Dinosaur Revolution (Disc, 9pm) Series Premiere – Evolution or revolution in this new animated series.
• The Good Wife (CBS, 9:30pm) – A look back at the first couple seasons to catch folks up to date, not sure how compelling the special is but the show definitely is.
• Las Vegas Jailhouse (Tru, 10pm) Season Premiere – Jailhouse rock…

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• La La’s Full Court Life/The TO Show (VH1, 9/9:30pm) Season Premieres – It’s a basketball wife story and a football star with ACL issues story.
• Top Gear (BBCA, 9pm) Season Premiere – Apparently one doesn’t need to be a gearhead to appreciate this look at the fancies.
• Lizard Lick Towing/Bear Swamp (Tru, 9:30/10pm) Season/Series Premieres – Repoing of vehicles and other things aren’t always easy.

Tuesday

•  Ludo Bites America (Sund, 9pm) Season Finale – These pop up chefs make their final stop in Redondo Beach, where will their culinary skills land.

Wednesday

• Buried Treasure (Fox, 8pm) Series Premiere – It’s like taking Antiques Roadshow on the road.
• Ghost Hunters (Syfy, 9pm) Season Premiere – Apparently there are either a lot of ghosts or these hunters aren’t that successful.
• Happy Endings (ABC, 9:30pm) – An unaired episode of these
• Confessions: Animal Hoarding (AnPl, 10pm) Season Premiere – If you thought hoarding was depressing…
• Top Chef Just Desserts (Brav, 10pm) Season Premiere – Bake ’til you drop.

Thursday

• Rising (Disc, 8pm) Series Premiere – A look at the rebuilding of ground zero.

Friday

• Rat Busters NYC (AnPl, 10pm) Series Premiere – I think ‘rat’ means rat.

Saturday

• Doctor Who (BBCA, 9pm) Season Premiere – Back to the time travel for the doctor.
• 24/7 (HBO, 10pm) Season Premiere – Mayweather and Ortiz train for their bout.

Sunday

• Tennis (CBS, 9/10:30) – Arthur Ashe Kids’ Day is followed by the official preview of the US Open starting on Monday.
• Madden NFL (NBC, 7pm) – Celebrities and NFL greats take on a little flag football.
• MTV Music Video Awards (MTV, 9pm) – Another year another…
• I Just Want My Pants Back (MTV, 11pm) Series Premiere – Post collegiate Brooklyn hipsters try to entertain in this latest series.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• Bachelor Pad (ABC, 8pm) Season Premiere – This is the one where the castoffs hook up.
• Tia & Tamara (Style, 9pm) Series Premiere – I was wondering why there weren’t more reality series that followed random celebrities like the former stars of ‘Sister, Sister’.
• Donna Decorates Dallas (HGTV, 10pm) Series Premiere – Starts with a master bedroom makeover.
• Sugar High (Food, 10:30pm) Series Premiere – Duff from ‘Ace of Cakes’ travels to other sweet shops.

Tuesday

• Auction Kings/Dirty Money (Disc, 9/10pm) Season/Series Premiere – Sell collectibles, transform collectibles.
• Gordon Ramsay’s F Word (BBCA, 9pm) Season Premiere – I don’t know, one of these Gordon Ramsay shows.
• I Escaped/Big Law (ID, 9/10pm) Season/Series Premiere – Escape from prison and then someone called Butterbean becomes a deputy somewhere.
• Top Shot (Hist, 10pm) Season Premiere – Expert marksmen compete.

Wednesday

• Primetime Nightline: Celebrity Secrets (ABC, 10pm) – No one really cares about this but there’s nothing really new today.

Thursday

• Russian Dolls (Life, 10:30pm) Series Premiere – More annoying reality women, these ones are of Russian heritage.

Friday

• Karaoke Battle USA (ABC, 9pm) Series Premiere – For all the people that people like Simon said sound like they’re singing karaoke.
• Strike Back (Cin, 10pm) Series Premiere – It’s time to follow some terrorist fighters.

Saturday

• Action Sports (Sat/Sun, NBC, 1:30pm) – The Dew Tour hits Portland.
• Wrestlemania (NBC, 9pm) – The Rock hosts, is he still going by the Rock but maybe only at wrestling events?

Sunday

• Tennis (ESPN2, various) – The US Open series hits Toronto with the Rogers Cup.
• I.Am.First/CMA Music Festival (ABC, 7pm) – Science and math and tunes followed by tunes of the country variety.
• In the Flow with Affion Crockett (Fox, 9pm) Series Premiere – Sketch comedy with some guy whose name spelling I checked a couple times.
• The Great Food Truck Race (Food, 10pm) Season Premiere – Cooking competition on wheels.
• Unusual Suspects (ID, 10pm) Season Premiere – An old crime solved.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• The Bachelorette (ABC, 8/10pm) Season Finale – For the one person I know still watching this, don’t forget to stay tuned for After the Rose.
• The Bad Girls Club (Oxy, 9pm) Season Premiere – More wackjobs.
• The High Low Project (HGTV, 10pm) Series Premiere – Doing the high end on a low end budget, first stop a dining room makeover.

Tuesday

• Take the Money and Run (ABC, 9pm) Series Premiere – Keep the $100k hidden and win it, but finders keepers.
• Billy the Exterminator (A&E, 9pm) Season Premiere – Things look bad for another season of unwanted guests.
• Born to Dance (BET, 10pm) Series Premiere – So you think you can… find another dance show?
• Picker Sisters (Life, 10pm) Series Premiere – Two of the gals from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition find house stuff.

Wednesday

• Scream if You Know the Answer/Truck Stop, Missouri (Trav, 7/10pm) Series Premieres – Trivia on a roller coaster and then hanging with a truck stop.
• 10 Grand in Your Hand (DIY, 8:30pm) Season Premiere – Showing folks how to save major bucks on renovations.

Thursday

• Jersey Shore (MTV, 10pm) Season Premiere – Italian style Jersey.

Friday

• Friends with Benefits (NBC, 8pm) Series Premiere – Not to be confused with the current flick, twenty-somethings date and whatnot.
• Extraordinary Acts of Courage (OWN, 10pm) Series Premiere – Real life heroic acts.
• Four Weddings (TLC, 10pm) Season Premiere – Let the weddings commence.
• Whisker Wars (IFC, 11pm) Series Premiere – Um, I’m tempted to see how the hell there is a reality show about “Beard Team USA”, I believe they grow their beards, and compete.

Saturday

• The Swell Life (OWN, 12pm) Series Premiere – The series kicks off a marathon day following a surfer and his family who run a surf school and a nonprofit for autistic kids.
• Curb Appeal (HGTV, 8pm) Season Premiere – Starting with a 70s house getting a makeover.
• Home Takeover with Simon & Tomas (OWN, 10pm) Series Premiere – A design duo does some makeovers.

Sunday

• Tennis (ESPN2, various) – The US Open series continues, ATP and WTA.
• Ty’s Great British Adventure (ABC, 8pm) – Think Extreme Home Makeover, or at least Ty, taking it on the road.
• Teen Choice (Fox, 8pm) – Can’t wait to hear what awards Twilight wins! (too bad there is no sarcasm font)
• Curiosity (Disc, 8pm) Series Premiere – Exploring creation… science, religion?
• Hillbilly Handfishin’ (AnPl, 10pm) Series Premiere – I could not catch them with my hands as well as not catching them with a pole.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.