Monday

• Sesame Street (PBS, check your local listings) Season Premiere – The gang helps the human cannonball.
  
• Terra Nova (Fox, 8pm – repeats 10/1) Series Premiere – This big budget Spielberg dinosaur isn’t rumored to be all that engaging but worth a look nonetheless.
• Gossip Girl/The Hart of Dixie (CW, 8/9pm) Season/Series Premieres – The gang goes to Hollywood and then big city doctor takes on the south, fingers crossed for the Rachel Bilson charm.
• House Crashers (DIY, 8pm) Season Premiere – What makes a great bachelor pad?
• Mike & Molly (CBS, 8:30pm) Season Premiere – Time to plan the wedding.
• Cake Boss (TLC, 10pm) Season Premiere – The most challenging cake?

Tuesday

• 19 Kids & Counting/The Little Couple (TLC, 9/10pm) Season Premieres – Duggars have kids, Bill and Jen want kids.
• 24 Hours in the ER (BBC, 9pm) Series Premiere – A real day in the ER.

Wednesday

• Suburgatory/Happy Endings (ABC, 8:30/9:30pm) Series/Season Premieres – Suburban quirky fun and more of the new friends with lots of potential for funny.
• Mythbusters (Disc, 9pm) Season Premiere – Are motorcycles more green than cars?
• Rocket City Rednecks (NGC, 9pm) Series Premieres – Rocket science and back woods ingenuity.
• Luther (BBC, 10pm) Season Premiere – Sadly I no longer get BBC.
• The Real World (MTV, 10pm) Season Premiere – A new gang of kids in San Diego.

Thursday

• How to Be a Gentleman (CBS, 8:30pm) Series Premiere – Odd Couple comedy taken to the caricature extreme.
• Private Practice (ABC, 10pm) Season Premiere – More shenanigans at the doctor’s office.

Friday

• Jessie (Dis, 9pm) Series Premiere – Small town girl turns big city nanny.

Saturday

• Austin City Limits (PBS, 9pm) Season Premiere – Tune in for Mumford and Sons.
• Bedlam (BBC, 10pm) Series Premiere – Described as a haunted Melrose Place.

Sunday

• America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC, 7pm) Season Premiere – Funny?
• Tough Love (VH1, 8pm) Season Premiere – A matchmaker takes on some of the ladies in Miami.
• Dexter/Homeland (Show, 9/10pm) Season/Series Premieres – I can’t resist Dexter and his messes and this next one is supposed to be a good one, returned POW or traitor?
• Halloween Wars (Food, 9pm) Series Premiere – A four part series on decorating scariness.
• Making Monsters (Trav, 9pm) Series Premiere – A look at some makers of animatronic monsters.
• Hung/How to Make it in America (HBO, 10/10:30pm) Season Premieres – A couple of shows that… oh I don’t know.
• Around the World in 80 Ways (Hist, 10pm) Series Premiere – Can they use ‘every’ form of transportation.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• Oprah Winfrey/Nate Berkus Show (Syndicated) – I don’t really follow daytime but thought it worth noting that Oprah kicks off her last season while her latest protege, who is adorable, gets his own show.
• 90210/Gossip Girl (CW, 8/9pm) Season Premieres – I watched GG for a few seasons with pleasure but just lost interest as the college years started, which would make me think this might be the last good season of 90210 if I had ever liked it.

Tuesday

• One Tree Hill/Life Unexpected (CW, 8/9pm) Season Premieres – Another couple shows that I gave a little time to but just couldn’t stick with.
• Parenthood (NBC, 10pm) Season Premiere – This show grew on me over the season with the family drama and the always likable Lauren Graham and Peter Krause (and we all know they’re dating in real life right?).
• Fashion’s Night Out (CBS, 10pm) – Neil Patrick Harris hosting almost makes me want to tune in.
• 1000 Ways to Die (Spike, 10pm) Season Premiere – Um, ick.
• Sextuplets Take NY (TLC, 10pm) Series Premiere – The obsession with procreation continues.

Wednesday

• Survivor (CBS, 8pm) Season Premiere – Another season, another destination, Nicaragua.
• Ma’s Roadhouse (Tru, 9/9:30pm) Series Premiere – A Dallas man and his ma manage a bar, bike shop, and tattoo parlor.
• Outlaw (NBC, 10pm, repeats Friday) Series Premiere – Jimmy Smits stepping down as Supreme Court Justice to help the little guy hasn’t gotten great buzz for a relatively procedural courtroom drama.
• The Ultimate Fighter (Spike, 10pm) Season Premiere – Fight!
• Top Chef Just Desserts (Brav, 11pm) Series Premiere – If you’re a Top Chef fan you can imagine what this’ll be like.

Thursday

• The Apprentice (NBC, 10pm) Season Premiere – Taking a break from celebrities, this season features the unemployed.
• It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia/The League (Fx, 10/10:30pm) Season Premieres – So wrong it’s right, and then taking fantasy leagues to the next level.

Friday

• Ghost Adventures (Trav, 9pm) Season Premiere – Travel at its spookiest.
• Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10pm) Season Premiere – Bill keeps it real.

Saturday

• Dvr catch up?

Sunday

• Boardwalk Empire (HBO, 8pm, repeats various) Series Premiere – Maybe the most critically buzzed about new show, Martin Scorsese directs Steve Buscemi as an Atlantic City power guy during 1920s Prohibition.
• Real & Chance/Fantasia for Real/La La’s Full Court Wedding (VH1, 9/10/10:30pm) Series/Season Premieres – More shows, more reality.

Since scheduling come fall gets difficult and networks sometimes rerun pilots I’ll try to note repeat airings for new shows, all times are typically PST.

Monday

• House (Fox, 8pm) Season Finale – Can House save another?
• One Tree Hill (CW, 8pm) Season Finale – Are those kids still living in One Tree Hill?
• Gossip Girl (CW, 9pm) Season Finale – Will Georgina’s return bring more drama?
• Castle (ABC, 10pm) Season Finale – Will Castle declare his love for Beckett?

Tuesday

• 90210 (CW, 8pm) Season Finale – Drama? Romance? Arson?
• V (ABC, 10pm) Season Finale – What are those Vs up to?

Wednesday

• The Good Guys (Fx, 8pm) Series Premiere – Bradley Whitford and Colin Hanks give the odd couple buddy cop show another avenue, the series premieres in its regular timeslot on 6/7.
• The Middle/Modern Family/Cougar Town (ABC, 8:30-10pm) Season Finales – Did Cougar Town actually become one of my favorite comedies?
• Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 10pm) Season Finale – Will Sharon Stone be the next ADA to leave?

Thursday

• Bones/Fringe (Fox, 8/9pm) Season Finales – Will we continue to see creepy death and just plain creepy?
• Community/Parks & Recreation/The Office /30 Rock/The Marriage Ref (NBC, 8-11pm) Season Finales – Will Community keep up the goodness? Will the other comedies return to goodness? Will I ever watch an ep of Ref?
• CSI/The Mentalist (CBS, 9pm) Season Finale – Will death hit close to home? Will the psychic detective solve another?
• Grey’s Anatomy (ABC, 9pm) Season Finale – What good could Mandy Moore bring to Grey’s?

Friday

• Ghost Whisperer/Medium/Miami Medical (CBS, 8/9pm) Season Finale – If they don’t survive Miami Medical will one of the ladies talk to their ghosts?
• Kitchen Nightmares (Fox, 9pm) Season Finale – Will the Chef ever stop yelling?

Saturday

• Golden God Awards (VH1 Classic, 10pm) – Metal awards?

Sunday

• Lost (ABC, 7/9) Series Finale – Will Jack wake to find it was all a dream?
• Brooks & Dunn (CBS, 8pm) – Whatever.
• The Simpsons/The Cleveland Show/Family Guy (Fox, 8-10pm) Season Finale – Will animation domination be funny?
• The Apprentice (NBC, 9pm) Season Finale – Will anyone care who wins?

• The Bachelor (ABC, 8pm) – For those doubters out there, we have a couple getting married.
• Gossip Girl (CW, 9pm) – I missed a bunch of these and now folks seem to be hooking up with their partners from three years ago.
• Trauma (NBC, 9pm) – Did you think this show was canceled?

Tuesday

• 90210/Melrose Place (CW, 8/9pm) – Trash or trashy goodness? I have given up but if you haven’t they’re back.

Wednesday

• America’s Next Top Model (CW, 8pm) Season Premiere – They’ve dropped the tiny models and are back for another season of bitchiness, I dropped this last season but I’m giving it another go.
• High Society (CW, 9:30pm) Series Premiere – Just what was missing from the schedule, more reality, this time following some Manhattan socialite and her ‘friends’.
• First Love, Second Chance (TVL, 10pm) Series Premiere – Couples that didn’t happen, give it another go.
• Billy the Exterminator (A&E, 10:30pm) Season Premiere – Billy exterminates.

Thursday

• Sober House (VH1, 10pm) Season Premiere – Some of the gang new and old gives sober living a shot, including Tom Sizemore, Heidi Fleiss, Dennis Rodman, Seth Binzer, Kari Ann Peniche, Kendra Jade Rossi, and Mike Starr, I still can’t look away.

Friday

• Numb3rs (CBS, 10pm) Finale – This show hasn’t officially been canceled but if you’re a fan you might get ready to say goodbye.

Saturday

• The Guard (Ion, 9/10pm) Series Premiere – The Canadian Coast Guard comes to the US.

Sunday

• Minute to Win It (NBC, 7pm) Series Premiere – What will contestants be asked to do in a minute?
• The Apprentice (NBC, 9pm) Season Premiere – Another round of ‘celebrities’ compete, who will be fired first? will Brett Michaels be seen without his bandanna?
• The Pacific (HBO, 9pm) – This ten part miniseries kicks off at Pearl Harbor.
• Ultimate Recipe Showdown (Food, 9pm) Season Premiere – Starting the season with comfort foods.
• Sons of Tucson (Fox, 9:30pm) Series Premiere – The kind of funny guy from Reaper pretends to be a foster parent to some kids.
  
• America’s Worst Driver (Trav, 10pm) Series Premiere – Do we really want to focus on bad driving.
• The Antonio Treatment (HGTV, 10pm) Series Premiere – Hmm, they are redoing a gym?
• Hoarding (TLC, 10pm) Series Premiere – If Hoarders wasn’t enough for you, you can chase it with some Hoarding.
• Kendra/Pretty Wild (E!, 10pm) Season/Series Premiere – Some girl is followed by a few girls.

Monday

• 8pm – House (Fox) / How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
• 9pm – Gossip Girl (CW) / Big Bang Theory (CBS 9:30)
• 10pm – Castle (ABC)

House is one of those shows I wish I could give up but somehow don’t (Laurie is good but they just almost kill a person until they save them every week), Gossip Girl is a quality guilty pleasure, and Castle has Nathan Fillion who is great enough to pull off this relatively formulaic weekly crime drama; although I do occasionally catch 2 1/2 Men I would love to redo the schedule and put HIMYM and BBTheory in the same hour, both are good fun. I’ve been catching Trauma on Saturday repeats.

Tuesday

• 9pm – Melrose Place (CW)
• 10pm – The Good Wife (CBS)

Melrose has just been so bad I can’t quite turn away, mostly because there is no competition for me on this night (I hope the cheesiness is intended) but I’ll probably tune in until Heather shows, and have found Julianna and supporting cast to be interesting in the mix of personal drama and weekly lawyerness on Wife.

Wednesday

• 8pm – The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) / The Middle (ABC) / Mercy (NBC)
• 9pm – Glee (Fox) / Modern Family (ABC)

Christine is finally paired with something that might be kind of funny, too bad it’s on another network, let’s hope they don’t mess up my time blocks, unless they pair Middle with Modern which so far is good; Glee is my favorite new show of the season, and I don’t know why so far I keep watching Mercy it’s not actually good. Have been getting SVU and ANTM on repeat nights.

Thursday

• 8pm – Bones (Fox) / Community / Parks & Recreation (NBC)
• 9pm – Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) / The Office / 30 Rock (NBC)
• 10pm – The Mentalist (CBS)

I still dig Bones and am happy that Community actually seems to be funny paired with P&R which I still find a little uneven but funny. I am almost over Grey’s (I’m never excited to watch but still seem to enjoy the episodes) and still enjoying Office and looking forward to return of 30Rock; oh yeah and Simon is still good on the Mentalist.

Friday

• 8pm – Law & Order (NBC)
• 9pm – Dollhouse (Fox) / ANTM (CW)
• 10pm  – Numb3rs (CBS)

L&O is always a good staple but I don’t so much care, Dollhouse is still a little uneven but I love the way they explore the themes of identity, and I really want to be over ANTM (the less of Tyra the better); Numb3rs is a show I just keep on the list just because I kind of like the math FBI brothers and their dad.

Saturday

• 9pm – Trauma (NBC)
• 10pm – Law & Order: SVU (NBC)

I don’t know if I’ll stick with Trauma but we’ll see, and if I miss an ep of any of the L&Os I don’t really notice but keep them in the queue.

Sunday

• Day of rest.

But what about cable? Fortunately those shows I’m still getting tend to repeat in the off hours so I can catch at random times, currently I am mostly catching Sons of Anarchy on FX and am going to have to check online for the final eps of Greek and Monk until I decide on a cable commitment (I’ve got some Dexter waiting for me one someone else’s Tivo as well).

Monday

• Lincoln Heights (ABCFam, 8pm) Season Premiere – One of the few shows I’ve never seen an episode of, probably won’t tune in now with expectations of tuning out.
• One Tree Hill (CW, 8pm) Season Premiere – I made it through the first season before I couldn’t take it anymore and sort of surprised it’s still on.
• Gossip Girl (CW, 9pm) Season Premiere – The gang is back with the high school drama transition to college, good thing Little J and that other brother will keep us in school uniform variations.
• Eddie Griffin: Going for Broke (VH1, 10pm) Series Premiere – Who wants more reality?
• The Jay Leno Show (NBC, 10pm) Series Premiere – So is it the demise of television as we know it, or is it just Jay at a different time?

Tuesday

• The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8pm) Season Premiere – Heartwarming stories make it too hard for me to make fun, I like my reality a little cheesier.

Wednesday

• Full Color Football (Show, 8pm) Series Premiere – I’m still stuck on black and white football.
• The Beautiful Life (CW, 9pm) Series Premiere – With Mischa Barton fresh off her psychiatric hold, I mean wisdom tooth breakdown, will this show about models be bad enough to be good or just plain bad?
• MysteryQuest (Hist, 10pm) Series Premiere – Some sort of quest for a mystery.
• The Ultimate Fighter (Spike, 10pm) Season Premiere – 16 fighters compete.

Thursday

• Bones (Fox, 8pm) Season Premiere – What’s the future for Booth and Bones with the brain tumor removal induced amnesia, that’s actually a little soapier than this show normally goes, back to romantic tension and the case of the week.
• SNL/Parks & Recreation/The Office/Community (NBC, 8/8:30/9/9:30pm) Season/Series Premiere – Weekend update Thursday kicks of this night of expected laughs, Parks & Rec still needs to find its footing but worth a watch, and then The Office shows that Jim and Pam together can still be funny, and newcomer Community introducing a washed up dude turned community college professor and his band of misfits tutor group including none other than Chevy Chase.
• Survivor (CBS, 8pm) Season Premiere – This time it’s Samoa for more castaways, more plotting, more torches getting snuffed.
• Extreme Cuisine (Food, 9pm) Series Premiere – Jeff Corwin heads off to Greece.
• Fringe (Fox, 9pm) Season Premiere – I couldn’t quite get on board with this last season.
• It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Fx, 10pm) Season Premiere – I don’t watch this show regularly and I ask myself why, first the gang tries their hand at the mortgage crisis.

Friday

• Alma Awards (ABC, 8pm) – Eva Longoria Parker and George Lopez host.
• Crash (Starz, 10pm) Season Premiere – Who gets Starz channel anyhow?

Saturday

• Action Sports (NBC, Sat/Sun, 9/11am) – The Dew Tour has the Toyota Challenge hits Salt Lake City.

Sunday

• Emmy Awards (CBS, 8pm) – I still don’t care but this year it’s hosted by Neil Patrick Harris.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO, 9pm) Season Premiere – As I’m sure you’ve heard there’s a Seinfeld reunion coming.
• Bored to Death (HBO, 9:30pm) Series Premiere – Jason Schwartzman is a writer, no wait now he’s a detective.

• Bones (Fox, 9/17) – Booth and Bones and the rest of the squints have just kept up the good chemistry while doing science on the stiffs.
• Castle (ABC, 9/21) – Nathan Fillion finally found a good role where he could work his charms, and be called out by new partner when they border on smarmy, on admittedly not cutting edge crimes.
• Chuck (NBC, 2010) – Sad to see I have to wait even longer for the great mix of comedy, action, and of course romance on this spy show.
• Dexter (Show, 9/27) – I may get mad at Dexter for letting people into his life and jeopardizing his serial killer secrets but I can’t wait to see what mess he’ll get into next.
• Dollhouse (Fox, 9/25) – I would follow creator Joss anywhere but Dollhouse really started hitting its stride last season as Echo takes on new personalities each week while she and others take on the secrets.
• Gossip Girl (CW, 9/14) – Still my favorite trashy pleasure with the gang that gets into tons of drama and tons of great clothes, what will life post high school have in store?
• The Mentalist (CBS, 9/24) – Simon Baker is another favorite, and his role of overly observant tortured crime fighter suits him, though who knew California had a Bureau of Investigations.
• Sons of Anarchy (Fx, 9/8) – The boys are back, with the women who love them, dealing with crime and family, keeping you on the edge of your seat.
• How I Met Your Mother/Big Bang Theory (CBS, 9/21) – These two gangs made me laugh.
• 30 Rock/The Office (NBC, 9/17) – Work can be funny too.

Monday

• 24 (Fox, 8pm) Season Finale – A couple more hours in the 7th long day Jack’s had.
• Gossip Girl/One Tree Hill (CW, 8/9pm) Season Finales – What will graduation bring to the latest crop of high schoolers on GG, let’s hope they don’t follow the path of fellow soapsters in Tree Hill.
• How I Met Your Mother/2 1/2 Men/Rules of Engagement/CSI: Miami (CBS, 8:30pm) Season Finales - Starting with a special Rules at 8 we rap up the funny and the not so funny.
• Bachelorette (ABC, 9pm) Season Premiere – Jillion is turning Bachelor misfortune into another shot at true love.
• 4th & Long (Spike, 10pm) Series Premiere – Football players compete for a spot on the Dallas Cowboys.

Tuesday

• NCIS/The Mentalist/Without a Trace (CBS, 8/9/10pm) Season Finales – A trip to Israel, a meet up with Red  John, and yet another vanished person.
• 90210 (CW, 9pm) Season Finale – Is this the episode where Donna Martin graduates?
• Dancing With the Stars (ABC, 9pm) Season Finale – I wasn’t sure anyone was surviving the injuries this season but the gymnast, the former cheerleader, or the guy who was hot in a movie will be crowned.
• Glee (Fox, 9pm) Series Premiere – The creator of Nip/Tuck brings a taste of high school glee club misfits.

Wednesday

• American Idol (Fox, 8pm) Season Finale - Who will it be Adam or Kris, and don’t miss the performances on Tuesday.
• New Adventures of Old Christine/Gary Unmarried (CBS, 8/8:30pm) Season Finales  – How will Christine and Gary embarrass themselves this week?
• Criminal Minds (CBS, 9/10pm) Season Finale – I think the gang goes after another psycho killer.

Thursday

• So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, 8pm) Season Premiere – Another crew in their boogie shoes.
• Ugly Betty (ABC, 8pm) Season Finale – They put out another issue with more drama.
• Crime 360 (A&E, 10pm) Season Premiere – Looking at crime from every angle.
• Southern Belles (Soap, 10pm) Series Premiere – I think this is like Real Housewives in the Kentucky.
• Southland (NBC, 10pm) Season Finale – Looks like rookie cop and the rest of the crew will be back for another season of crime solving.

Friday

• Good Morning America (ABC, 7am) – The concert series kicks off with Green Day.
• Head Case/Party Down (Starz, 10/10:30pm) Season Finales – We always knew Seinfeld was a little nuts, and then more catering laughs.

Saturday

• NBA Playoffs (ABC, 5:30) – I don’t even think this is the final two teams but what else do you have to watch.

Sunday

• French Open (ESPN2, 9am) – Things are kicked off, another year for Nadal?
• Diamonds (ABC, 9pm) – Miniseries kicks off a a look at the diamond trade from the Congo to the US.
• The Tudors/State of the Union (Show, 9/9:30pm) Season Finales – King Henry keep slutting around and Tracy keeps mocking.

And yes Dan was accused of having an affair with the new teacher, who was fired and then they actually started having an affair… woo hoo. And then since folks realized they didn’t have any proof of her inappropriate behavior she’s getting hired back. How inappropriate.

This whole situation was brought about by our delightful Blair who was out to get Teach for first giving her a bad grade and then reporting her for trying to get Teach back… Now this would be normal drama if B didn’t lose her slot at Yale over the whole deal, and of course the respect of dear old dad.

Now B has finally given up on Chuck, so we think, though Chuck may be straightening out after his dad’s death. He’s gone off on an international bender and returned to lose Dad’s company to his less than reputable uncle. But Uncle lost his legal guardianship when Chuck finally allied with the woman he blamed for his dad’s death new adopted mom Lily Vanderwoodsen.

Though we’ve learned that trying to take over the company isn’t Uncle’s only misdeed… we learned that he offered Blair a little comfort whilst Chuck was on the bender and she’s doing all she can to keep this quiet. We all know nothing stays quiet for long.

As for the rest of the crew, Vanessa and Nate have been cozy and dull, Little J and Eric are mostly out of the limelight, while their folks Lily and Rufus are all hooked up. And of course we shouldn’t forget that Lily and Rufus’ kid is still out there though they believe him to be dead per the new adoptive folks. What we’ll gossip about next is anyone’s guess.

In other spin off news NCIS, a spinoff itself of JAG (surprisingly maybe the only two network shows I’ve never seen an episode of). A new NCIS (whatever that stands for) unit working in a different location will be introduced later this season. Think CSI, hopefully they’ll do better than David Caruso.

And then there is The L Word which wraps its season this year and viewers will get a taste of what’s to come in the new series. Current character Alice played by Leisha Haley goes to prison!

And of course there’s The Office spinoff that turns out its not going to be a spinoff. Particularly since in addition to Amy Poehler the cast includes Rashida Jones in a different role than she played on The Office. Though rumor has it we’ll see her again as Karen on the after Super Bowl episode.

And if you’re not getting the spinoff that you’re looking for perhaps you should check the theaters. Deals are being finalized for an Arrested Developed flick, a Veronica Mars script is being penned as we speak, and the Sex and the City gals are signing on for another run. I won’t even count the movies based on original tv shows currently in development…