procrastinationchronicles.com

‘Poor baby can’t hack it in the big city, gonna move to the bay area now and pretend that was your dream the whole time. Have fun always carrying a light sweater.’
- Jenna to Hazel on ’30 Rock’

‘I don’t like that guy and I want it on the record.’
‘We’ve been over this, there is no actual record.’
‘Then why are we doing any of this.’
- Max and Dave on ‘Happy Endings’

‘I’m tired of being crushed under the weight of greedy men who believe in nothing.’
- Jax on ‘Sons of Anarchy’

‘you’re like the hillbilly whisperer.’
- Deputy Chief Mullen to Raylan on ‘Justified’

‘it’s really hard to chug pinot.’
- Andy on ‘Cougar Town’

‘see you in another life brother.’
- Desmond on ‘Lost’

 ‘probably subscribes to the New Yorker but doesn’t even read it’.
- Castle deriding a criminal on ‘Castle’

‘maybe you should try a new setting on your Flobe.’
- Will to Sue on ‘Glee’

‘Veridian Dynamics. Friendship. It’s the same as stealing.’
- Better Off Ted

‘just once I would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?’
- Dwight on ‘The Office’

‘i found the grinch to be a relatable, engaging character and i was really with him right up to the point that he succumbed to social convention and returned the presents and saved christmas’.
- Sheldon on ‘The Big Bang Theory’

‘pete and i are intercourseing each other’.
- Liz on ’30 Rock’

‘if we all stopped lying to each other how would we ever get to the truth.’
- Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson on ‘The Closer’

‘everyone has their first date. and the object is to hide your flaws. and then you’re in a relationship, and it’s all about hiding your disappointment. and then once you’re married it’s about hiding your sins’
- Adelle DeWitt on ‘Dollhouse’

‘it’s fine being artistic, just not on this show.’
- Simon on ‘American Idol’

‘you know, maybe if you ate more comfort food you wouldn’t have to go around shooting people.’
- Hurley to Sayid on ‘Lost’

‘fire or knife?’
- Clay asking preferred method of tattoo removal on ‘The Sons of Anarchy’

‘i’m sorry, he irks me. he’s irksome.’
- Patrick Jane on ‘The Mentalist’

‘the only thing better than a cow is a human, unless you need milk, then you really need a cow.’
- John on ‘Fringe’

‘i have my not so sweet sixteen party this friday, i’m stressed to the max, and he’s being a big bitch’
- Naomi on ’90210′

‘there must be enough peruvian flying pike here to trigger zombie armageddon.’
- the Middleman on ‘The Middleman’

‘who’s up for a harvey wallbanger?’
‘sounds like a winner.’
‘gimlet for me.’
‘i’ll just have a chablis.’
- 70′s drink orders on ‘Swingtown’

‘self pity isn’t like you.’
‘i’m branching out from self loathing and self destruction.’
- Amber and House on ‘House’

‘you’re like the first juicy booty to make it on to the runway.’
- makeup artist to Whitney on ‘ANTM’

‘no changies, no take backs.’
- Agent Booth and Bones on ‘Bones’

‘i ignore you at my own peril when it comes to women, liquor, and venereal disease.’
- Alan to Charlie on ‘Two and a Half Men’

‘you’ll never guess what happened.’
‘i don’t guess. as a scientist, i reach conclusions based on observation and experimentation…’
- Penny and Sheldon on ‘Big Bang Theory’

‘i don’t know man, that was pretty boring.’
- Randy’s critique on ‘American Idol’

‘you’re more lost than you ever were.’
- Ben to Locke on ‘Lost’

‘the way you look today is the best you’re going to look for the rest of your life.’
- Matthew to Christine on ‘Christine’

‘i’m a sweet girl, i’m a caring girl, and apparently i’m also a black out drunk girl…and if that’s not what he’s looking for…’
-eliminated Courtney on ‘Rock of Love 2′

‘game’s not over until i say it’s over.’
‘then have fun playing with yourself.’
-Chuck and Blair on ‘Gossip Girl’

‘i know that grunt, it’s #7, skeptical with a side of cynicism.’
-Chuck to Casey on ‘Chuck’

‘i didn’t raise you to use amnesia as an excuse.’
‘that would have taken enormous foresight.’
-amnesiac Sam and her Mom on ‘Samantha Who?’

‘life is too short to wear a bad outfit.
-Kit Pistol on ‘Project Runway’

‘i appreciate your help but there’s a reason your name is robin and not batman’
-Ted, to Robin, on ‘How I Met Your Mother’

‘being aware of your crap and actually overcoming your crap are two very different things.’
-Christine on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’

‘where do you invest your money?’
‘i have like twelve grand in checking’
‘what are you, an immigrant?’
-Jack and Liz on ’30 Rock’

 ‘you need to access your uncrazy side,’
-Daryl tells Kelly after saying he likes her but before walking away on ‘The Office’

‘beta males are in right now. chicks dig it.’
-Sock to Sam on ‘Reaper’