Memorial Day weekend seems to be timed perfectly with Arrested Development and the French Open… Far be it from me to do something crazy like travel…

Monday

• The Goodwin Games (Fox, 8:30pm) Series Premiere – Kids compete for estranged dead father’s dough, a new comedy with some talent that could make it fun game.
• James May’s Man Lab (BBCA, 10pm) Series Premiere – Relearning some skills.

Tuesday

• The Bachelor (ABC, 8pm) – The Bachelor’s funniest moments.
• Bad Girls All Star Battle (Oxy, 9pm) Series Premiere – Keep your friends close.

Wednesday

• Masterchef (Fox, 8pm) Season Premiere – Home cooks try to get in the game. 

Thursday

• Save Me (NBC, 8pm) Series Premiere – Anne Heche returns, this time as a reborn gal looking for redemption, part black comedy, part laugher, but rumor has it few laughs, we’ll see.
• Does Someone Have to Go? (Fox, 9pm) Series Premiere – I want to pick who gets fired at my job.
• Four Weddings (TLC, 9pm) Season Premiere – More betrothal festivities.
• Showville (AMC, 9pm) Series Premiere – Hey kids let’s put on a show… Hollywood coaches audition.
• Rookie Blues (ABC, 10pm) Season Premiere – I don’t think they’re rookies anymore but I haven’t tuned in.

Friday

• Brain Games (Fox, 9pm) – Friends turned me on to this games and experiments showing how the brain and perception are linked, I swear those were two different colors of gray. 

Saturday

• Ultimate BBQ Cookout Countdown (ABC, 9pm) – Cook it good. 

Sunday

• Arrested Development (Netflix) – The Bluths are back and the new season all out today on Netflix, takes a look at where each of the misfits are now.
• French Open (NBC/ESPN2, various) – Who will be the king, and queen, of the clay?
• Rock My RV with Bret Michaels (Trav, 9pm) Series Premiere – I don’t know why Bret is pimping RVs. 

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Not quite done with this year but not quite ready for summer series…

Monday

• 90210 (CW, 8pm) Series Finale – And the people who aren’t Brenda and Brandon and Dylan and Kelly and… are done. 

Tuesday

• So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, 8pm) Season Premiere – Dance it up. 
• Crowd Rules (CNBC, 9pm) Series Premiere – Elizabeth Chambers discusses specialty foods.

Wednesday

• South Beach Tow (Tru, 9:30pm) Season Premiere – Take it away. 

Thursday

• The Office (NBC, 9pm) Series Finale – It should have ended with Michael but whatevs…

Friday

• Summer blockbuster?

Saturday

• X Games (NBC, 1pm and ESPN/2 starting Thurs) – Making it happen in Barcelona.
• The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (HBO, 9pm) – Donna Summer in action. 

Sunday

• Billboard Music Awards (ABC, 8pm) – What are you singing this summer?
• Tim McGraw’s Superstar Summer Night (CBS, 9pm) – Oops I mean what are you singing this summer?

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• Rihanna 777 (Fox, 8pm) – Seven countries, seven continents, seven days, seventh album.
• Newlyweds (Brav, 10pm) Series Premiere – Four different couples in the first year.

Tuesday

• Polygamy, USA (NGC, 9pm) Series Premiere – Introducing the latest family.
• Reel Rivals (Weath, 9pm) Series Premiere – Competitive charter boat captains.
• Roadtrip with G. Garvin (Cook, 9pm) Season Premiere – Food scene in Austin.
• Chasing Classic Cars (Vel, 10pm) Season Premiere – How much for a Mercedes 190SL?

Wednesday

• Only In America with Larry the Cable Guy (Hist, 9pm) Season Premiere – Arizona ostrich ranch.
• Million Dollar Listing (Brav, 10pm) Season Premiere – Real estate.
• Model Employee (VH1, 10:30pm) Series Premiere – Models made to do undesireable tasks.

Thursday

• Mountain Movers (NGC, 8pm) Series Premiere – Creating winter sports courses. 
• Monumental Mysteries (Trav, 9pm) Series Premiere – The history behind monuments.
• Small Town Security (AMC, 10pm) Season Premiere – How does the community feel about their tv show?

Friday

• Australia’s Deadliest/Ultimate Animal Countdown (NGW, 9/10pm) Series Premieres – Sharks, crocs and kangaroos, and then it gets worse. 

Saturday 

• SNL (NBC, 11:29pm) – Kristen Wiig and Vampire Weekend might make for a decent Saturday.

Sunday

• XOX Betsey Johnson/Resale Royalty (Styl, 8/9pm) Series Premieres – Designer and then designer retail.
• Ultimate Survival Alaska (NGC, 10pm) Series Premiere – Contestants fight to survive.
• Family Tree (HBO, 10:30pm) Series Premiere – A mockumentary of a man on a journey of self discovery.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• The Big C (Show, 10pm) Season Premiere – What’s next for our protagonist?
• Red, White & New (Trav, 10pm) Series Premiere – American ingenuity.

Tuesday

• Weird or What? (Syfy, 9pm) Season Premiere – Hindu mythological creature or spacecraft?
• Inside Amy Schumer (Com, 10:30pm) Series Premiere – Comedian brings more sketches, interviews, and jokes.

Wednesday

• Family Tools (ABC, 8:30pm) Series Premiere – Leah Remini returns to sitcom in what promises to have sitcom elements. 
• The Big Brain Theory (Disc, 10pm) Series Premiere – The next great innovator.

Thursday

• The Show with Vinny/Zach Stone is Gonna Be Famous (MTV, 10/10:30pm) Series Premieres – A Jersey Shore guy does a talker out of his mom’s house and a comedy about a guy making a reality show out of his life.

Friday

• Maron (IFC, 10pm) Series Premiere – The life of a comedian and podcaster. 

Saturday

• America’s Cutest Cat (AnPl, 9pm) Season Premiere – Meow.
• My Haunted House (Bio, 10pm) Series Premiere – Boo.

Sunday

• Day of rest.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Another week, maybe it’s time to catch up on Walking Dead…

Monday

• Love & Hip-Hop Atlanta (VH1, 8pm) Season Premiere – New beginnings.
• Rectify (Sund, 9pm) Series Premiere – Their first scripted production shows a man released from Death Row to a changed world.
• Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives (Food, 10pm) Season Premiere – Square pizza.

Tuesday

• Backyard Oil (Disc, 10pm) Series Premiere – A gospel singer’s ranch.
• Girl Code/Ke$ha (MTV, 10:30/11pm) Series Premieres – Women’s topics and a look at that girl.

Wednesday

• I Was Murdered (ID, 10pm) Series Premiere – Told from the victim’s point of view.

Thursday

• Giving You the Business (Food, 10pm) Series Premiere – Unwittingly auditioning for a franchise.

Friday

• NFL Draft (ESPN, 5pm) – Don’t miss the drafts.

Saturday

• X Games (ABC, 1pm) – Foz do Igaucu from Brazil.

Sunday

• Good Luck Charlie (Dis, 10pm) Season Premiere – Charlie turns four?

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

I’ve still got a good amount of backlog, good thing I don’t need to make room for much more…

Monday

• Oh Sit! (CW, 8pm) Season Premiere – Sitting competition?
• Defiance (Syfy, 9pm) Series Premiere – Futuristic society on earth following war, will the fragile peace remain?
• James May’s Man Lab (BBCA, 10pm) Season Premiere – Let’s get some skills.
• Scam City (Sci, 10pm) Series Premiere – Scams in Rio.

Tuesday

• Deadliest Catch (Disc, 9pm) Season Premiere – Who’s up for some fishing?
• Don’t Be Tardy… (Brav, 9pm) Season Premiere – Real housewives woman…
• Storage Wars/American Hoggers (A&E, 9/10pm) Season Premieres – For some reason a ventriloquist is making a guest appearance and then hoggers.
• Awkward (MTV, 10pm) Season Premiere – Jenna’s predictable humiliation and family, friend, and romantic drama with wit are back.
• Who Gets the Last Laugh (TBS, 10pm) Series Premiere – Donald Faison hosts comedians in prank challenges.

Wednesday

• Hoarding (TLC, 9pm) Season Premiere – I am always trying to winnow my stuff. 
• Locked Up Abroad (NGC, 9pm) Season Premiere – Telling POW tales.
• Off Pitch (VH1, 10pm) Series Premiere – Show choir.

Thursday

• Gigolos (Show, 11pm) Season Premiere – There’s a new guy in town.

Friday

• Sons of Guns (Disc, 9pm) Season Premiere – Sometimes you gotta go to Vegas to demo a gun. 
• I Found the Gown (TLC, 10pm) Season Premiere – More dresses.

Saturday

• Four Houses (TLC, 9pm) Season Premiere – Scoring each other’s homes.
• Spoiled Rotten Pets (NatGeoW, 9:30pm) Series Premiere – These make our pampered pets look tortured.
• Raising Whitley (OWN, 10pm) Series Premiere – Comedian and friends raise a baby, and yes this is another reality show.

Sunday

• Dog and Beth/Guntuckly (CMT, 8/9:30pm) Series Premieres – Bounty hunting and family gun range.
• The Bletchley Circle (PBS, 10pm) Series Premiere – A three part murder mystery series of female code breakers.
• I’m Married to A… (VH1, 10pm) Series Premiere – Unconventional partnerships.
• What Would Ryan Lochte Do?/Married to Jonas (E!, 10/10:30pm) Series/Season Premieres – Unwatchable or so bad it’s good and then are they ready to move to New York?

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• T.I. and Tiny (VH1, 10pm) Season Premiere – Winter adventure.

Tuesday

• Counting Cars (Hist, 9pm) Season Premiere – Buy that car. 
• Ready for Love (NBC, 9pm) Series Premiere – Another slant on dating shows, getting dudes a gal.
• Find Me My Man (Oxy, 9pm) Series Premiere – Matchmaker helps single ladies in Miami.
• The Kandi Factory (Brav, 10pm) Series Premiere – Because Real Housewives needs another spinoff.

Wednesday

• Toy Hunter (Trav, 9pm) Season Premiere – Gene Simmons and KISS memorabilia.
• World’s Weirdest (NatGeo, 9pm) Season Premiere – Strange animals.
• Deep South Paranormal (Syfy, 10pm) Series Premiere – Because there wasn’t enough paranormal being covered.
• I Want That (DIY, 11pm) Season Premiere – Stylish home solutions.

Thursday

• The Graham Norton Show (BBCA, 10pm) Season Premiere – Guests and whatnot. 
• The Killer Speaks (A&E, 10pm) Series Premiere – Examining cases from the killer’s perspective.

Friday

• Eve of Destruction (Reelz, 8pm) Miniseries Premiere – Unlimited energy or the end of the planet. 
• Swamp’d (AnPl, 8pm) Series Premiere – Swamp store owner, for all your swamp area needs.
• Da Vinci’s Demons (Starz, 10pm) Series Premiere – Dramatic Leonardo d Vinci.

Saturday

• Bet On Your Baby (ABC, 8pm) Series Premiere – Parents pit babies against one another, seriously?
• Iyanla, Fix My Life/Life With La Toya (OWN, 9/10:30pm) Season/Series Premieres – Iyanla does her thing, then we now get to watch LaToya do hers, whatever that is.

Sunday

• 2013 Movie Awards (MTV, 9pm) – Rebel Wilson hosts.
  
• Nurse Jackie/The Borgias (Show, 9/10pm) Season Premieres – Happy birthday to Jackie and unseating the Borgias?
• Restaurant Impossible (Food, 10pm) Season Premiere – Purchasing fish is different than cooking fish.
• Veep (HBO, 10pm) Season Premiere – Midterm elections.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• The Real Housewives of Orange County (Brav, 8pm) Season Premiere – Whatevs.
• The Gossip Game/Master of the Mix (VH1, 9/10pm) Series/Season Premieres – Challenging DJs and aspiring superstars.

Tuesday

•  19 Kids & Counting (TLC, 9pm) Season Premiere – They’re back from Asia. 

Wednesday

• Rogue (Dir, 9pm) Series Premiere – Thandie Newton leads the undercover detective first original series from DirecTV.
• Spies of Warsaw (BBCA, 9pm) Miniseries Premiere – Spies before WWII.
• How to Live with Your Parents (For the Rest of Your Life) (ABC, 9:30pm) Series Premiere – Sarah Chalke and some extended family might not be fresh but perhaps a bit of funny.
• Forever Young (TVL, 10pm) Series Premiere – The under 30s and the over 70s are forced to hang out.
• Best Ink (Oxy, 10pm) Season Premiere – Skin art competition.
• My Crazy Obsession (TLC, 10pm) Season Premiere – Crazy is right.

Thursday

• Casino Confidential/America’s Worst Tattoos/NY Ink (TLC, 8/9/10pm) Series/Season Premieres – Casinos and tattoos and tattoo artists.
• Hannibal (NBC, 10pm) Series Premiere – Just another serial killer, or a fresh look at a bit of an origin story, I’m game to see.
• Tabitha Takes Over (Brav, 10pm) Season Premiere – More hair salon help.
• Men at Work (TBS, 10pm) Season Premiere – This dudes sitcom is getting another season.

Friday

• Vice (HBO, 11pm) Series Premiere – Docuseries newsmag.

Saturday

• My Cat From Hell (AnPl, 8pm) Season Premiere – Too allergic to watch.

Sunday

• WTA Tennis (ESPN2, 10am) – Family Circle Cup final.
• Cupcake Wars (Food, 8pm) Season Premiere – Let them eat…
• Academy of Country Music Awards (CBS, 8pm) – Luke Bryan and Blake Shelton host.
• Mad Men (AMC, 9pm) Season Premiere – I might be ready to start diving into this show.
• River Monsters (AnPl, 9pm) Season Premiere – The fish did it?

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

Monday

• The Voice (NBC, 8pm) Season Premiere - At least a season with Usher and Shakira replacing Aguilara and Cee Lo.

Tuesday

• Here Comes Peter Cottontail (CW, 8pm) – Peter oversleeps and must go back in time to fulfill his Easter Bunny duties.
• Hardcore Pawn (Tru, 9pm) Season Premiere - Security problems.
• The Game/Let’s Stay Together (BET, 10/11pm) Season Premieres - Draft night and more drama.

Wednesday

• Bomb Girls (Reelz, 8pm) Season Premiere – A surprise visit, basically I have no idea what’s going on on Reelz.
• Operation Repo (Tru, 10pm) Season Premiere - Business luck in Vegas.
• The Real World (MTV, 10pm) Season Premiere - Portland.

Thursday

• NCAA Basketball (CBS, 6:30pm) – Regional semifinal, basically nothing new tonight.

Friday

• Happy Endings (ABC, 8pm) – Friday night’s gonna be alright.
• XIII (Reelz, 10pm) Season Premiere – Darkest impulses.

Saturday

• ATP Tennis (CBS, 9am/Sun 8:30am) – Sony Open, women’s final on Sat and men’s on Sun.
• Doctor Who/Orphan Black/The Nerdist (BBCA, 8/9/10pm) Series/Season Premieres – The doctor is back, then a clone takes another’s place, and more geek chat.

Sunday

• Call the Midwife/Mr Selfridge (PBS, 8/9pm) Season/Series Premieres - Jenny celebrates her birthday and Jeremy Piven brings a department store to life.
• Game of Thrones (HBO, 9pm) Season Premiere – Whatever’s happening on this show keeps happening.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.

A little delayed this week, good thing there’s not much to see….

Monday

• Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8pm) Season Premiere – Boogie down.
• Storage Wars (A&E, 9pm) Season Premiere – What’s in that unit?
• Bates Motel (A&E, 10pm) Series Premiere – What happened before Psycho?

Tuesday

• Splash (ABC, 8pm) Series Premiere – Diving celebrity style.
• How We Invented the World (Disc, 9pm) Series Premiere – Starting with the mobile phone.
• Urban Tarzan (Spike, 10:30pm) Series Premiere – Relocating animals lost in the wild.

Wednesday

• Rip the Runway (BET, 10pm) – Fashion and music meet. 

Thursday

• NCAA Basketball (CBS, 7pm) – Go team.

Friday

• Tanked (AnPl, 9pm) Season Premiere – Fish in a square bowl. 

Saturday

• Kid’s Choice Awards (Nick, 8pm) – Josh Duhamel hosts.
• Chupacabra vs. the Alamo (Syfy, 9pm) – Ponch fights a crazy thing.

Sunday

• Phil Spector (HBO, 9pm) – You know, a fictionalized account
• Married to Medicine (Brav, 9pm) Series Premiere – Atlanta’s chick docs and chicks who marry docs, really?
• My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding (TLC, 9pm) Season Premiere – Teens from different clans marry.

The procrastinator lists items that may not be on your regular season pass, though notation does not imply recommendation other than those underlined. Times noted are typically PST.